The Women’s Guide to Whole Wellness in 2023 | Part ONE Relationships
A new year always comes with mixed emotions: excitement for the future and new adventures, uncertainty of the unknown, fear that my goals for the year will be left unachieved – a little bit of everything.
But this December, as I reflected on 2022, what I learned from others, what I learned about myself, and what I’d like to take into the new year, I realized that for 2023, there’s a clear set of guidelines I’d like to follow. (Is my Type-A showing too much now? 😜)
Daydreaming about wellness in the new year.
This isn’t a guidebook for anyone seeking a new-year-new-you approach. I am not a believer in the idea that all should be thrown out and you should try to become a new person at the start of each year. That doesn’t allow space for recognition of your accomplishments. To me, the self is like a layered cake (and no, I’m not just saying that because I like cake – okay, maybe just a little 🤤🥮). Each layer builds on the other. I mean, what kind of cake would you be if you were just a sheet cake that came in a different flavor each year?
So in the spirit of creating a gift guide – not for others – but for your own self-awareness, physical wellness, and mental health, here’s a breakdown of the areas in my life I plan to focus on for 2023 and the habits, routines, and goals I hope to achieve throughout the year.
This is PART ONE. It’s all about RELATIONSHIPS.
For the next three weeks, I will publish a guide at the end of the week! Up next is PHYSICAL HEALTH in 2023. Follow along with me!
The Relationships Guide For 2023
I am a married woman and have been for over 10 years. What I’ve learned (or unlearned) during this time is that no matter how long you have been married, in a relationship, or any other combination of relationships, they all need the same amount of care and maintenance to thrive. It’s easy to get into toxic cycles or begin to take your partner for granted.
In addition to your romantic relationships, I’m sure, just like me, you also have friendships, family dynamics, and work relationships. In 2023, I plan to work toward practicing healthy habits in all of these spaces, and here’s how:
CREATE Consistency
With all the stuff life throws at us, from work to family, to unexpected events, it’s easy to get into a cycle of just going through the motions or neglecting the things and the people around you. I’m speaking for myself here, but I can see this being true for working moms and busy women in general. Those people who mean the most to you can sometimes get lost in the shuffle.
Relationship Consistency challenge for 2023: Strive to be consistent in your efforts to foster closeness in your relationships.
SHARE Traditions
I learned a really valuable lesson in 2022. If I don’t create regularly planned time with my husband, friends, partners, and family, it just doesn’t happen. Maybe it’s the stage I’m at in life, being a working mother, business partner, wife, etc., etc., but in the new year, I plan to focus more on finding regular traditions in my relationships so that they can thrive and grow. Here are a few ways I hope to accomplish this:
Weekly or monthly date nights with my partner
Regularly planned coffee dates and lunches
Zoom calls, on the calendar for those far away
Mini-trips to connect in person
2023 Relationship Tradition Challenge: Find a regular tradition with your romantic partner, spouse, or a friend that is low-maintenance and easy to stick with every month.
Connection Points
I want to be clear that connecting, really connecting, with those in your life shouldn’t feel like a burden or chore. Connecting shouldn’t cause you anxiety or make your life less fulfilling. That said, anyone who’s ever had a relationship with any other person knows that conflict, distance, and challenges will arise whether you like it or not.
So in these moments, what do you do?
Can you find the things that do make you feel connected to the person you are experiencing separation from? Can you focus on those things only? Maybe it’s a home project you’re working on with your partner or an update on the grandkids with your mother. Maybe it’s a workout class with a friend. Connect where and when it’s easy, and try not to force relationships into a box they just don’t fit into. (I’m mainly talking to myself here 🫣)
2023 Relationship Connection Challenge: In relationships where there is love, but disconnection, try to find and focus on one thing at a time that does make you feel connected to that person.
HEALING Limits
In my experience, healthy relationships require limitations. Some people you choose, and some are thrust upon you based on your upbringing or biology. There are expectations, guilt, and bad habits that can grow out of control in relationships, and the only way I have found to maintain health, happiness, and connection is to set limits. You can also call these boundaries, but that word is loaded with negative connotations, so I prefer to think of them as limitations – for your own mental health and the health of others.
2023 Relationship Limits or Boundaries Challenge: Assess the people and factors causing you daily pain, anxiety, and stress. Set one of the following limits on that relationship for at least three months.
Set a time limit on phone calls - If you know the person causes you to react, or feel unwell after speaking to them, set a limit on how long or how often you will pick up the phone. You are not obligated to be at anyone’s beck and call.
Choose not to discuss certain topics - Some topics with some people lead to a negative place and should not be discussed.
Choose when taking a break - It’s easy to make plans or do things that feel forced. If you always feel this way about spending time with another person, maybe it’s time to take a break.
Feed Transparency
I could also say “honesty” here, but I have discovered that honesty isn’t always the most helpful or healthy thing. Timing is important. Your own healing or needs are important. And sometimes honesty can be more hurtful than anything. That said, I do try to live an honest life. And although I was raised to feel guilt when I don’t abide by the rules or obligation to do certain things, over time, I worked hard to heal and stop people-pleasing at the expense of my own self.
One of the most important things I’ve learned is that in order to take care of myself, I need to be transparent about what I need, what I can do, and how I will engage with others. Sometimes the clarity is just something I decide within myself. Like, “I will not allow myself to get sucked into a conversation about a, b, or c topic with this person any longer.”
2023 Communication in Relationships Challenge: Focus on being transparent with yourself and those around you, so you are not making decisions solely based on guilt and obligation.
As an important note: These practices only apply if you are in a relationship that is safe and mentally healthy. If you are in a situation that is unsafe and unhealthy, please seek help. Here are a few organizations that can assist you:
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline Read this post on leaving an abusive relationship from Help Guide.
