Part 3: Set Loving Goals For Yourself In 2020
It’s all fun and games until you actually have to do the work. Am I right? 😉I’m as guilty of falling into this trap as is anyone else.
I’m also headstrong and a believer that if you just keep working towards your end goal, eventually you will arrive! The funny thing about ‘arriving’ at where you want to be in life, is that as soon as you get there, you’re going to want the next big thing. We, humans, are funny creatures, and often 'satisfaction' becomes an illusion that is just out of reach no matter how many goals or milestones you achieve. 😳
Setting goals that allow you to love yourself. That’s the goal! 📸by O’Meara Photography.
So with that in mind, maybe this year should be about trying less to set lofty goals, and instead aim for the resolutions that will help you achieve simple wins, while still working toward an overarching mission for yourself!
In Part One and Part Two of this blog series, I focused on mental and physical health. Why? Because, I’ve learned the hard way that if these two buckets are neglected, nothing else comes together! In this final post, I'll cover interpersonal growth and social health, by which I mean, who you surround yourself with. So without further ado, let’s dig in! 😀
Less neglect. More self-growth.
In the last post about resolutions, I vocalized my feelings about the difference between self-care and physical care. A fine line is often drawn between the two, and the same can be said of self-neglect and self-growth. Too often, I hear my working-mom friends or career-driven colleagues say, “I just can’t take a day off right now, because x, y, and z would (or wouldn't) happen, and everything will fall apart!”
It’s super easy to neglect your own needs and wellbeing when you are focused on the growth of yourself, your business, your career or any number of other ‘growth-related’ elements of your life. Unfortunately, if you only focus on growth and neglect the wellbeing of your WHOLE self, only one outcome is possible. You will break down at some point, and then everything really will go to sh*t. Believe me. It’s a reality I’ve lived first hand, and it’s not fun or pretty having to pick up the pieces after a physical or emotional breakdown.
So for this moment...this month...this year, maybe it’s okay to focus on growth without the neglected part. How you might ask? Here are a few things that work for me. You might want to test and try these and some others to find your own secret sauce of balanced self-growth.
Choose a time of day when you will have downtime. Whether it’s work or school, or child-rearing. There’s a moment in the day when all of us max out. Let there be downtime in your day. I love to shut off work-mode at dinnertime and not pick it back up until the next day.
Set daily plans that are achievable! Achievable is the key word here. Someone said to me once, and it stuck with me, “Set big goals, but seek easy wins.” Meaning, you might have set the goal to leave your current job and start a new career by the end of 2020. That’s great! 👊But finding your next career move is likely not just going to fall into your lap. Instead, find an attainable task you can do each day to work on this self-growth. This approach will get you to the point where you will find your dream job!
Develop something for YOURSELF and something for your CAREER or FAMILY. Practice giving time to both Every. Single. Week. It’s incredibly easy to get into a loop where you make yourself believe that you “just don’t have time for [insert aspirational goal here],” because of work or family life. Stop selling yourself short! 🙏If you don’t make time for things that inspire you, the time will be lost. I know it’s WAY easier said than done, but I’ve found that if I just schedule the time at the beginning of each week, it happens. Hooray! 🙌
Be present, and exercise gratitude.
Being present and being grateful, in my experience, go hand and hand. When I’m present, I am also thankful, but practicing both mindsets is a mental workout. If you don’t make time to reflect or absorb the moment, the time passes, and your mindset will become sluggish.
When I am at my best, I am living in the moment and savoring the beauty of my life. But, just like there are weeks where exercise goes by the wayside, maintaining my mental health also falls into this trap more then I would like. That’s when the ‘doomsday’ personality moves in, and nothing seems right in my life or the world. The shift to a negative mindset has become a trigger for me to know that I need to regroup and be present so that I can be grateful and happy. In 2020, I plan to live in a place of gratitude more often than not. And to do this, I am implementing a few things in my day-to-day routine:
Meditation for mindfulness - I talked more in-depth about this in the first post of this series. Daily meditation REALLY works. Do it!
Gratitude assignment - I have started giving myself a task each day to practice gratitude and presence. For example, today, I will play with my kids after school for 30 minutes without thinking about my to-do list. Or, I will write in my journal 3-5 things I am grateful for, and then give each of those things or people a few minutes of my undivided attention that day.
Unwind outside - I know, I know, I’ve talked a lot (in all three posts) about the benefits of being outside, for your mind, and body. Can you tell that I'm a nature lover and devotee! 🌾It can’t be overstated, in my option, that being outdoors DOES improve your mindset. It also pulls me into the present moment like nothing else. I LOVE taking a long walk or bike ride with my kiddos at least once on the weekend. The stuff they learn and the joy it brings all of us is priceless.
Less screen time. More real-time.
Do you remember a time when the first thing you did in the morning or before bed at night did NOT involve your phone? If you’re over the age of 35, you probably look back at the pre-cell phone era with nostalgia. As of last year, 87% of smartphone users say that they check their device within an hour of going to sleep or waking up [Slicktext.com]. That’s a little terrifying to think about. And it means that most of us don’t even let ourselves wake up or settle in for the night without checking our devices. ⏳
I, for one, know that my cell phone use has reached a record high, and it’s NOT making my life better. There’s so much data out on the inter-webs now, confirming what many of us have feared -- cell phone use, and especially time spent on social media increases depression. Is this the life you want? Read this article from Healthline for more about the link between social media use and depression.
I use social media for my business and my blog, so I’m forced to spend time there a lot more than I wish I did. But, I am now working toward more regimented use of the time I spend on my phone -- especially when it’s just mindless scrolling through Facebook or Instagram.
As a daily goal this year, I'm going to try my VERY, VERY best, to limit time on social media to the following schedule:
Wake up without distraction 🛌- I used to get up, immediately grab a coffee, sit down, and start reading the news on my phone. This started my day off on a really negative note. It’s not that I don’t want to know what’s going on in the world. Still, I’ve found that if I wait until lunchtime to look at the news headlines, I’m better able to manage the stress of reading the news--and it is stressful for me to see what’s going on in the world.
Instead, I now wake up and meditate for 10 minutes, then make lunches and breakfast for my kiddos, before ever looking at my phone. I started this on January 1st, and I already feel a positive difference in my day!
No phones at mealtime 😋- We implemented this rule about a year ago. However, my family has gotten pretty lax over the last few months. For 2020, we’re recommitting to a 'no phones at the table' rule. Instead, we’ll actually talk to each other. What a concept!
Stop scrolling before bedtime 😴- If I am on my phone right up to bedtime, I notice that I cannot get to sleep right away. This is the hardest thing for me to do because I use the time after my kids go to sleep to catch up on stuff, but I am committed to putting my phone away one hour before bed. TBD on how this goes. Stay tuned! 😜
A circle of kind and honest humans.
There was a time when I cared more about how the people I surrounded myself with made me look than how these ‘friends’ and family members actually made me feel. I'm a recovering codependent (it’s a daily struggle!), and it’s super easy for me to get sucked into relationships that benefit everyone but me. After becoming a wife and a mom, these energy-sucking relationships started to affect my family -- which was when I really had to draw the line. 🚫🙅
I genuinely want to be liked by everyone, and friends with all, but there’s no way to do this and still be faithful to myself. Last year I learned some precious lessons about living MY TRUTH, not anyone else’s version, and protecting myself and my family over all else. It was a drop-down, drag-out kind-of learning year. But I’m on the other side, and this year is all about owning that growth! All of this is to say that I plan to surround myself with friends, colleagues, and family that feed the positive changes in my family and my life -- not the individuals who suck time, energy, and happiness. This is not an easy task. There are those relationships that must be managed and given attention, in spite of the negative impact they have. It’s just that I’m not going to provide these relationships fuel any longer. I’m done.
So I’m putting myself on notice: This year, I WILL surround myself and my children with good humans. And I will not let the energy-suckers get more than the bare minimum of my time.
My new personal rule for relationships is now as follows:
✨If someone doesn’t make me feel good about myself, doesn't support my family, and me, with your words and actions, or has a self-interested agenda, I don’t have time for them. ✨
This rule may sound harsh, but here’s what I learned the SUPER HARD WAY. If you don’t protect your authenticity or your family plan, others will step in and take charge. So make sure you’re the one setting the course!
Owning my power.
Did you know that you are powerful? Say that in the mirror:
“I am powerful. I am the owner of my power!”
If it makes you squirm to say this phrase in the mirror, then you need this daily affirmation the most! So often, women let their bosses, their in-laws, their friends, clients, or spouses take their power. Then one morning, you wake up and realize you’re no better than a caged animal, and the truth is, you let it happen. This was my reality for too long!
Around the time I started owning my power, I was introduced to an amazing woman and business coach. One day I was grumbling about a challenge in my life, and she said to me, “Are you the one with the power? Are you the Queen 👑 of your reality and your family?”
This simple question shocked me. I realized at that moment that I was just giving up my power, and it was miserable. So I took it back! And this year is all about OWNING MY POWER! You can own your strength too. Let’s do it together!
Thank you, and goodnight. 😘
{mic drop 🎤}
PS let me know in the comments how you plan to take back your power this year!
xoxo
EM 💜
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