For My Son: What I Wish For You

You know the posts. They’re the ones you find on Pinterest like “Five Things I Want My Son to Do, or Know, or Be When He Grows Up.” I’ve always struggled with these. It’s not that I don’t appreciate or honor someone else’s feelings about what boys should know before they grow into men, but I struggle with the subjectivity of the whole thing. After all, isn’t each child unique? Isn’t each parent’s morals or beliefs different?

So I do find it funny (I’m internally making fun of myself right now) that I haven’t been able to get the idea out of my head this month. The idea of getting my wishes down for my son, with the hope that someday he might read this post and find it insightful. I also can’t stop thinking about all the moms trying right now to raise good humans in this time of political turmoil.

If you’re reading this, hoping to gain some insight into your hopes and dreams for your son or son’s futures, I endeavor to give you the following:

• A glimpse into how this modern working mom (me!) is trying to raise my son

• Camaraderie in the son-parenting journey

• Solace in the knowledge that we’re all doing the best we can

• A community of like-minded parents hoping for better for their sons in this complicated world

What do I wish for my son? So many things, but here are the ones I pray for the most.

It’s Strong to Be Sensitive

Here’s the thing; my son just turned six. He’s shy; he’s quite an introvert, he struggles with being away from me. He’s sensitive and thoughtful. This, and other factors inspired us to wait, and enter him into kindergarten when he was six. 

Yes, he will be older than most of the kids in his class, and yes, his older sister will be a whole year ahead of him in school, but he just wasn’t ready, and I know what’s coming as soon as he enters school.

His sensitivity will be something he’s could be criticized for and embarrassed about. His soft-hearted personality could become a target. And when that happens, I will be right there to support him and remind him that his sensitivity and big heart are his superpowers, not flaws. The extra year has increased his confidence in so many ways, but he will always be who he is, and I don’t want him to grow out of his core personality. I don’t want him to ‘learn to be tough.’ I want him to learn to OWN himself and proceed confidently in life as a sensitive, kind, honest man. 

Isn’t an attentive partner that what most women (and men) want anyways? 

We need to stop training ‘tough’ into our male children. All it does is force them into a box they then have to un-learn when they have their own family.

It’s a good thing to be genuine. It’s a great thing to empathize with others. It’s an amazing thing to live life as the authentic you!

Words Influence, But Actions Effect

We live in a world of globalized political correctness, and much of the energy behind this evolution comes from a place of caring and a common goal: progress.

But too often, I see adult men (and women) missing the mark on how their ‘beliefs’ translate to action. Part of the issue, I believe, is the assumption that we all need to think the same thing. When did that happen? When did diverse thought become the enemy?

For men, this is extra complicated (I hear) and will become more so for my son as he grows into an adult. Questions like:

• How should I treat women? Should I open their door, or is that sexist?

• What do I do to make sure I’m treating men and women with equal respect?

• How do I co-parent?

• What are my rights as a boy, man, husband, parent?

If you’re rolling your eyes at this and saying something like, “well, of course, you just don’t treat women like property,” or “he just needs to realize he’s privileged, maybe stop for a minute and think about, as a person, how difficult those loaded topics are to unpack. Every ‘woke’ individual has a different perspective on how men can thrive globally and still respect others for who they are.

My biggest goal with both of my kids has always been and will continue to be raising human beings, not assholes. And as a human being, you need to be alright with not always being the most popular, or most attractive, or most politically correct person in the room. But, my prayer is that my son grows up to be a person who is a) true to himself, b) honest in his words, and c) consistently kind in his treatment towards others. That’s all. 

More doesn’t always equal better

If you were raised with religious parents, then likely you’ve heard the quote, “all that glitters is not gold.” Sometimes what looks like gold on the outside is just a cheaply painted pile of sh*t. I’m not sure if it’s the biological need to provide or a competitive spirit. Still, in this day and age of progress, I often wonder why so many people are so incredibly focused on what they own, what they can acquire, and how that acquisition mindset makes them better than everyone else.

The older I get, the more I realize that more material things do not equal a more happy or better life. Producing the RIGHT amount to live the life you love is a much grander goal. My son will have his own dreams and desires for life, but if I have anything to do with it, he won’t be seeking a life filled with worldly things and missing the things money can’t buy -- love, integrity, and authenticity.

I wish I could write a million other things here, but I’ll stop with these three because as I see the personality of my beautiful boy unfold, these three concepts are the ones that keep coming up in our discussions and talks about life. My boy is already perfect the way he is. These are just my wishes, not my commands for him and his life. 

Thanks for reading.

xo